So here it goes. The feeling happened. You know that feeling where you're just scared that everything is so good in your life can crumble any time soon. Fuck. It always happens when I'm the happiest. Everything has been strong with the FAST family (woot UNITY 2009 Winners) and my Massives. but Fuck, why am I always scared about my relationship. Shut up, Mae. You're gonna be fine.
I'd love to write about him, but I would feel like I douche because maybe it would sound so repeatitive. or Maybe not? I know for my past relationships I said that I did not want to mess up because of broken hearts, but I really don't want to mess this one up. I really don't.
Here it goes.
His name is James Patrick Gadi McIlvaine. I believe he's perfect. Perfect in every way. In other people's eyes, he could be some loud, annoying, ugly guy. To me - he's perfect. He's intelligent. He may not know that, but I could see it. When he blurts out random facts or when he does homework with me, he's really smart. He's talented. I could be watching the Jazz Band and the only thing I hear is him playing. I think he's good looking. I could spot him from any crowd. He has that aura that heals my sadness. He has that smile that brightens my day. He has that touch that can melt your heart. His scent is just pure bliss. He's religious. I thought I was religious, shoot he beats me by a Football Stadium.
Blahh. Icould name a bunch of facts about how amazing he is but theres only one thing that matters..
I have never loved a guy so much and its only been our 4th month. I want him in my future. He's someone who could tolerate me and help me change for the better. He never encourages me to do bad things or he never makes me feel down for whatever bad I've done. He knows how to forgive and accept who I truly am. I introduced him to my family as my boyfriend today. Man oh man, that's the first time I've ever done so. It felt good though because I wasn't going to hide who he was. He was not embarassing. He looks like a pure gentleman. I was happy that my mom welcomed him to our house because after the whole TJ and Marc situation, I didn't think she'd be open to any of my new boyfriends. I actually think she's proud that I have him ( I heard her talking about him to my family friends ;]). When I took him out on his birthday, it was the first time that I felt like I had a genuine relationship. Go out on dates and then relax. Although it was an epic fail with the light rail system, Liberty State Park was one special moment. Held him in my arms on a warm spring night and told him I truly loved him. I felt safe with him.
Honestly, this is truly my last one. I'm not a kid anymore, I've matured. I've conquered every relationship obstacle in my life. I know now. I'm an adult. I know now that this is someone who I shall keep and have forever. I want him. I want him to be in my life. I don't care about how I said this to my boyfriends....He's different and I know it. When he looks in my eyes, I know he's sincere. I know he won't turn crazy and I know he won't let me run all over him. I know that I'll take care of him just like he takes care of me.
James,
As I sit here on my computer thinking about you, I want you to know I'm here to stay. I'm here to be yours. I'm sorry for the arguments, the random scares, the stubborness. Please know that I'm working on our relationship to stand strong. To have a good relationship and nuture it so it can bloom into something greater than the both of us. I won't let you down. I promise. I love you.
Here it goes.
His name is James Patrick Gadi McIlvaine. I believe he's perfect. Perfect in every way. In other people's eyes, he could be some loud, annoying, ugly guy. To me - he's perfect. He's intelligent. He may not know that, but I could see it. When he blurts out random facts or when he does homework with me, he's really smart. He's talented. I could be watching the Jazz Band and the only thing I hear is him playing. I think he's good looking. I could spot him from any crowd. He has that aura that heals my sadness. He has that smile that brightens my day. He has that touch that can melt your heart. His scent is just pure bliss. He's religious. I thought I was religious, shoot he beats me by a Football Stadium.
Blahh. Icould name a bunch of facts about how amazing he is but theres only one thing that matters..
I have never loved a guy so much and its only been our 4th month. I want him in my future. He's someone who could tolerate me and help me change for the better. He never encourages me to do bad things or he never makes me feel down for whatever bad I've done. He knows how to forgive and accept who I truly am. I introduced him to my family as my boyfriend today. Man oh man, that's the first time I've ever done so. It felt good though because I wasn't going to hide who he was. He was not embarassing. He looks like a pure gentleman. I was happy that my mom welcomed him to our house because after the whole TJ and Marc situation, I didn't think she'd be open to any of my new boyfriends. I actually think she's proud that I have him ( I heard her talking about him to my family friends ;]). When I took him out on his birthday, it was the first time that I felt like I had a genuine relationship. Go out on dates and then relax. Although it was an epic fail with the light rail system, Liberty State Park was one special moment. Held him in my arms on a warm spring night and told him I truly loved him. I felt safe with him.
Honestly, this is truly my last one. I'm not a kid anymore, I've matured. I've conquered every relationship obstacle in my life. I know now. I'm an adult. I know now that this is someone who I shall keep and have forever. I want him. I want him to be in my life. I don't care about how I said this to my boyfriends....He's different and I know it. When he looks in my eyes, I know he's sincere. I know he won't turn crazy and I know he won't let me run all over him. I know that I'll take care of him just like he takes care of me.
James,
As I sit here on my computer thinking about you, I want you to know I'm here to stay. I'm here to be yours. I'm sorry for the arguments, the random scares, the stubborness. Please know that I'm working on our relationship to stand strong. To have a good relationship and nuture it so it can bloom into something greater than the both of us. I won't let you down. I promise. I love you.
2 comments:
Aww mae, jeez. I'm so freaking happy for you. I forreal don't wanna see you go through another asshole, and James is just great. I'm here if ya neeed =]
if you ever leave him, i'm going to kill you.
if he ever leaves you, i'm going to kill him.
just for future reference =)
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